Confidence for Tomorrow
by Simple Heart
Summary: Rodney is trapped off world, and a harsh winter storm is movin in. He'll have to survive freezing tempuratures, a night alone in the wilderness, and his mind, before Sheppard and the team can save him.


OK, so this was my first major McShep fic and currently my longest. I'm still not completely sure that I have Rodney in character, but he's trapped on a desolate planet in freezing temps so I guess I can use that as an excuse. :P Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it!

No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow.  
**Euripides**

It was cold. So cold, but not just cold it was freezing, as if the weather was thumbing its nose at his superior intellect.

He'd lost track of time, and it was already getting dark. Col. Sheppard had probably left via the Stargate hours ago leaving him stranded, in nothing but his thin cotton, government issued clothing. He'd tried telling the military that wool would be warmer and last longer, but would they listen to him? No. The timeframe allotted for exploration of the planet had closed long ago. How he'd been stupid enough to get separated from the others and lose his radio was beyond him. Geniuses weren't supposed to do things like that, though he'd noticed, they did tend to have short lives.

One minute he'd been straggling through the thick undergrowth behind Sheppard, and the next he was so deep in the foliage all he could see were moss covered tree trunks. He'd tried his radio but he heard nothing but static; of course something had to go wrong. He backtracked, but nothing looked familiar. Then he tripped over a root and lost the radio, his only chance for rescue. He'd shouted for the others until his voice was raw, and continued to try and find his way back to the Stargate, all in vain.

Every second it was getting darker, and every second he was getting colder. That wasn't good. The proximity of this planet to its sun made the days lukewarm and the nights near subzero. If he didn't find shelter, he'd be good as dead, and that was one thing he was trying to avoid.

A deep, muted rumble sounded in the distance, and he paused to glance up through the nearly impenetrable canopy.

"Oh great", McKay whined, as he watched clouds racing in.

Another rumble sounded. Was that a thunderstorm? It couldn't be, the temperatures here didn't vary enough to cause such violent weather. At these temperatures, it would be more of an ice storm than a thunderstorm. He was starting to regret that he had skipped that survival class.

McKay picked up the pace, hurrying to find shelter before the storm hit. The complete and utter darkness brought on by the clouds blocking out the bright light of twin moons, left him stumbling over roots and rocks and such. Winds easily upwards of 30 miles per hour began whipping around him; the dense trees slowing him down didn't provide much protection. Stupid plants. He was never going to planets solely for plant research again. McKay was a scientist, darn it! He didn't come to planets to study photosynthetic life forms! He helped find where they were located, then watched everyone else do all the dirty work.

The wind continued to howl, chilling him to the bone. It was getting harder and harder to keep his legs moving, and he'd long ago started shivering. He sighed, watching his breath being pulled away by the wind. Cold air hurt as it made its way into his lungs, further lowering his core body temperature. As he stared out into the night, all he could see was black. It clung to everything, and made the world around him seem endless.

'Why couldn't humans have evolved with night vision? It would make this oh so much easier.' he bitterly thought.

His right foot suddenly got caught on something and he couldn't stop himself from toppling forward. He landed with a grunt as once again his breath was knocked out of him and another bruise was formed, adding to the healthy collection he already had.

"Just perfect", McKay growled, annoyed, ignoring the puffs his breath created.

He lay there for a moment or two as he tried to get his breath back. He heard nothing but the trees moving in the icy gales; no animals, no rescue jumpers, no search party, nothing. With nothing but darkness around him, he suddenly felt cut off and alone. Would anyone ever find him? Would they even try? He could've already been written off as a casualty of this bizarre expedition for all he knew, but a tiny voice in the back of his mind whispered to him.

'They would never do that. They're your friends you know they would never leave you'

'They have orders to follow, and there's no way they could find you in all these trees,' his logical side snapped back.

With a grunt, a slowly moved his hands beneath him; he wasn't going to get anywhere by lying there. He needed to find shelter. He was half-way standing when the wind gusted again, this time carrying something with it. He turned around and squinted, instantly regretting doing so. Windblown pieces of snow hit his exposed flesh like hundreds of stinging projectiles. He quickly turned his back to the wind and tucked his hands under his armpits in a futile attempt to keep them warm. His rescue posse better hurry; he was going to have finger-sicles before long.

He stumbled along as fast as he could without falling flat on his face; not that he would feel it or anything. He coughed as the freezing air burned his airways. If he didn't die of exposure, pneumonia seemed to be the next likely. Neither of those sounded pleasant, not that death sounded pleasant at all. Over the past year he'd come to view near death experiences as just another fact of life. He knew he was going to die sometime; it was just a matter of when and where. So it was completely logical for him to prefer certain dooms over others, and freezing to death wasn't high on the list.

He went another couple hundred feet, and any visibility he had before was gone. The snow, whatever it was, was coming down so hard he was practically blind; you know, not that he could see before anyway... He took another step and felt his foot catch, but instead of feeling the hard ground connect with his beautiful face, he felt momentary weightlessness as air rushed past him. Oh great, he must have tripped on the edge of an incline… or deep bottomless gorge. Fortunately he supposed, it wasn't bottomless; however, that didn't keep it from hurting when his head connected with the slope. His forward momentum sent him tumbling and bouncing down until he land with a crack of what he was sure was his spine, and several other vital organs.

He just lay there gasping for air and blinking up at the clouded sky. It was a few more moments before his brain decided to reconnect and he could start thinking again. What had happened? Well, other than falling down a hill… Where were the trees? The whistling of the wind through them wasn't as strong here. He clumsily rolled over on his side in an effort to get up. A bad idea, McKay observed, as his head seemed to spin and he almost did another face plant. And here he thought that the merry-go-round his uncle had taken him to when he was five was bad.

"Alright, a slight concussion, not that bad, it'll clear up soon", he assured himself.

He rolled over again this time a little more carefully and managed to wobble to his feet. He took a hesitant step and promptly collapsed onto his hands and knees. Another bout of dizziness practically had him kissing the ground. His new colors were going to black and blue by the time this was all over.

"Okay, concussion not that bad, injured leg very, very bad", McKay wheezed.

He could feel the pain radiating from the injured ankle. This was not good. Even if he was dizzy he could hopefully stumble to safety, but if his leg was injured… he couldn't walk anywhere, cutting his chances of being found to near zero, or rather two point three percent, give or take a tenth.

He looked around him, desperate for any sort of shelter. He was rewarded by a low whistling sound.

"The wind, must b-be b-blowing around s-something", he chattered through clenched teeth. Halleluiah, he was saved!

The temporary spike of adrenaline from the fall was long gone by now, and he ached all over, in that numb but still painful sort of way. He got to his hands and knees and crawled toward the noise. The snow had already started to accumulate, and it sapped whatever feeling he had left in his hands. It seemed like hours until he felt the wind stop and he heard his heavy breathing echo around him.

'It must be some kind of cave,' he told himself.

He crawled until he felt a wall and collapsed against it, beaten, bruised and tired. He felt himself drifting to sleep and it occurred to him that he probably had hypothermia and a concussion, and it would not be a good idea to fall asleep. He lethargically shook his head.

"Okay, gotta stay awake. Two plus two equals… four, three times five equals fifteen, and the square root of one hundred and ninety five is thirteen point nine six four two. Okay, so my brain is still functional. Um, a list of positives and negative would be a good idea right about now."

Right, positives… He finally found shelter… He was still alive, for now… and he had a superior intellect that wasn't really helping at the moment…

Negatives; He was stranded in the middle of nowhere with numerous injuries, no radio, and a blizzard outside…

"Alright, I can work with this. I have no idea how, but I am confident I can figure it out", McKay said to himself.

"Ah, I'm doomed", he hung his head.

His brain was so fuzzy it was hard to make connections anymore.

"McKay, stay awake!" he heard Sheppard's voice snap in his head, pulling him from a light doze.

"Great, now I'm hearing things", he said, looking up at the high ceiling.

Without his bidding, his mind differed to thoughts of his friends.

He wondered what they were doing right now. Were they coming up with a plan to rescue him? Elizabeth was probably anxiously looking at the others, as they sat around a table. Zelenka and Carson were probably spouting off statistics about how there wasn't a chance he could survive. Teyla would be staring at the others with saddened eyes, and Ranon would be listening to the others talk, offering a grunt every now and then. The colonel would probably turn around and snap at them, saying he didn't care about the odds; they were going to try and find him no matter what.

McKay allowed a goofy smile to twist his lips; at least he knew Sheppard wouldn't give up on him. That thought lit a small flame of hope in his chest.

Rodney had accompanied Col. Sheppard on countless missions, saved Sheppard's life, and had his own saved by the man. They had started out on rough ground, but they had forged a strong friendship over video games and the team bonding crap that Elizabeth insisted they do. Colonel John Sheppard was probably the only person he completely trusted with his life; not that he didn't trust the others. It was just that he seemed to relax whenever he was around him. No matter what the predicament, he knew he was going to get out of it, as long as he was there. Lately, however, he'd developed these strange feelings, like when Sheppard looked at him with that intense gaze of his, it left butterflies in his stomach, a completely foreign feeling. And when he stood a little closer than necessary and caught a whiff of the Sheppard's aftershave, he wanted to get even closer. Whenever Sheppard hefted his gun in his hands, it made McKay want to be held in those strong arms. He'd been confused at first, but it slowly clicked; he was falling in love with him; which freaked him out, to put it mildly. Here he was, an anti-social geek whose closest encounter with a relationship had been the bottom of a jock's locker and his condoms, and he was in love with his best friend.

Did the colonel feel the same? Would he disgusted by the scientist? Would it ruin their friendship? Would the others approve? How in world was he supposed to tell Sheppard?! Questions like these were driving him mad. Over the last month or so, he'd kept a close eye on the Colonel, trying to find the answers. What he could infer from his observance was that Sheppard could possibly feel the same way, but Rodney didn't know if that was just wishful thinking worming its way into the data or not. The man was hard to analyze in the relationship department. He'd never really shown any feelings toward anyone. It was so confusing.

McKay had almost gotten the courage to tell Sheppard that morning. He'd wandered into the mess hall, not a place he was used to going into. He usually had a minion go get something and bring it to the lab, if he ate at all. Spotting his target, he'd walked over and sat down; the colonel seemed surprised to see him, but oddly pleased. They'd struck up a conversation, but before he could say anything, Teyla had shown up, soon followed by Ranon. It had ruined his chances of a confession, but on the other hand he'd had one of the best mornings in a long time. He'd been burning the midnight oil trying to fix one of the generators that just wouldn't stay fixed and he'd needed a breath of fresh air. He blamed lack of sleep on even considering confessing to his best friend.

Thoughts of sleep caused him to involuntarily yawn. Though he wasn't directly being assaulted by the gale anymore, the temperature inside the cave was still close to freezing. He curled up on his side, hoping to conserve body heat. His mind was getting fuzzier and he knew he couldn't hold on much longer.

It didn't look like he'd ever get the chance to confess, let alone see any of his friends again. He'd really miss them all; they were the family he'd never really had. He mentally slapped himself. The cold must really be affecting his brain; he was getting all mushy, and scientists didn't get mushy. However, no matter how hard the logical side of him fought, his last thoughts before slipping into slumber were of his friends.

Colonel John Sheppard stood in front of paned glass that separated him from a beautiful nighttime seascape. However, his thoughts were not on the beauty before him, nor were they calm. Dr. Rodney McKay was missing.

One minute he'd been following, the next he wasn't. They'd spent hours combing the forest, but eventually they had to pull back and leave. The temperatures were dropping as the sun went down; they couldn't stay. He'd refused to leave; his team, or rather what was left of it, had to practically force him back through the gate. He never left a man behind!

His hands curled into fists at his side. This wasn't supposed to happen. He'd been so close. So close to finally telling Rodney how he felt about him. That's right; he was in love with his best friend. He'd noticed it while ago, but it wasn't until he started to have the urges to touch McKay, to kiss him, to gently touch the beautiful pouting face of his. Though he complained too much, had a huge ego and could be annoying most of the time, the fact of the matter was, despite all of that, there wasn't anyone else he trusted more to get him out of a tight spot than McKay.

Now this. It was his turn to save his friend. He knew Rodney was smart enough to find shelter and battle the freezing temperatures; he just needed to hold on until they could get to him. They would find him no matter what. He didn't care about statistics, _they would find him_.

He heard footsteps approaching from behind.

"We'll find him John," Weir's soft voice told him as she placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

He glanced at her before returning his gaze back to the sea.

"I know", his voice sounded tired but held strength and purpose.

She gave his shoulder a final squeeze before she left, leaving him to watch the waves alone.

He woke to silence. There were no birds chirping, no traffic, no ocean sounds, and no wind. It was quiet; too quiet.

McKay groggily tried to open his eyes and roll over, but only managed to pry his eyes half open and cause his limbs to twitch. Where was he? What had happened? He lay there for the several minutes it took to put two and two together.

Right; he was on the-death-by-freezing planet, injured and with no way of contacting anyone else. Why couldn't he ever wake up in a nice warm bed for a change?

He listened for the sound of the wind blowing past the cave mouth but heard nothing. Where was the wind? He attempted to flex his arms and legs. It took a little while to work out the stiffness, but it looked like they were functioning. He tried rolling over, and managing to do so as well as hit his head on the stone wall, waking up his headache. He groaned as pain lanced through his brain.

"That hurt," he muttered, rubbing his forehead.

When he opened his eyes, he had to squint. The sun had risen, and the snow had fallen, reflecting the light. At least it was hopefully warmer outside by now; he didn't want to have survived the worst night of his life only to freeze once he got outside.

With a groan he pushed to his feet, leaning heavily against the wall of the cave. He stepped forward, thankful his injured leg didn't give out. His ankle felt swollen and was pushing against the sides of his boots; most likely these two things were providing support, which meant he wasn't entirely crippled. Taking slow, halting steps, he managed to reach the mouth of the cave. He glanced both ways, trying to get his bearings.

Well, the steep incline to his left was nearly impossible to climb in his condition; that didn't leave any choice but to go right. Unfortunately, there was nothing between him and the trees twenty feet away. He didn't know if he could walk that far without support. Then again, he really didn't have a choice if he wanted to live. Though the sun sparkled against the fresh snow around him, the temperature was still too close to freezing for comfort and after last night, freezing to death had moved down a few spaces on his 'How I want to Die' list.

After a quick prayer to whatever might be listening, he began his journey. The snow was around five inches deep, which made walking even more difficult. He fell several times, getting snow in some very uncomfortable places.

"Sheppard, if you don't come to get me. I swear my ghost will haunt you for the rest of eternity," he growled as he clung to a tree for dear life.

Sucking it up, he slowly continued his journey. "Stupid snow, why did it have to snow in the first place? It's not even winter here. And what's with all the trees? I don't see how they could survive these harsh conditions, and the only thing they're good for is getting lost…"

Colonel John Sheppard stood surveying the field of snow before him as the rest of his team followed through the gate. It cast blue ripples across the sparkling white stuff, but he paid no mind. With a whining noise, it shut off.

"Alright, we'll split up, but stay in radio contact and don't get to far apart", Sheppard said, breaking a path through the crystalline snow towards the trees to his right.

"It is beautiful", Teyla admired, looking around as they followed the Colonel's long determined strides.

"Yeah, a regular winter wonderland", he growled, scanning the tree line.

They were dressed in heavy cold weather clothing; it was a good thing too, considering it was barely above thirty. Rodney, on the other hand, was only wearing the usual government-issued stuff. They needed to hurry; they had to find him before he froze to death.

He refused to listen to the small voice that added 'if he hasn't already'.

"So, where are we headed?" Ranon asked.

"Well, about half mile in or so is where I saw him last. We'll branch out from there", Sheppard replied, entering the maze of trees.

The others nodded somberly, and began the rescue mission.

McKay stopped to catch his breath. This time the puffs of clouds rose slowly upward instead of being whipped away. Actually, now that there wasn't any wind, and as long as he stayed in the sun, it wasn't so bad. The landscape, on the other hand, was hills, hills, and gullies, which made it slow work to get anywhere, and he had to constantly stop and take a break. He really needed to hit the gym; he was so out of shape. Sitting at your desk solving other people's problems did tend to do that to you.

He started climbing again, grunting as he hauled himself over a fallen tree. After being nearly frozen to death, falling down a hill, and trekking miles and miles, life owed him something for all this trouble. A happily ever after would be nice, but he'd settle for someone to share lonely nights with, and who would never leave him no matter what. He never wanted to relive this feeling of helplessness again; he wasn't used to situations where his intellect couldn't help him. Was it just him, or was he getting mushy again? He needed to find help fast.

He continued on for what he was pretty sure were hours; well, the sun had moved anyway. He lost count of the trees and hills he'd wandered over and around. His ankle was beginning to throb and he was getting tired. He knew he couldn't walk much further; almost twenty-four hours without food had left his energy reserves dangerously low. He struggled on until he came to a particularly deep snow drift near the crest of a hill. His right leg got stuck and he tried to jerk it free, but only succeeded in throwing himself off balance. His injured ankle gave out and he stumbled, falling to his knees. He slowly leaned up against the embankment, resting. That was it; he couldn't go any further. It was up to the others to find him now. He'd done all he could. He lowered his head to the snow and sighed closing his eyes.

A noise drew him from a light doze. He made a whining noise and tried to bury his face in the snow, causing some of it to fall down his collar. That woke him up pretty quick.

"Ah! That's cold!" he exclaimed, slapping at the offending area trying to get the snow out, but only succeeded in making it fall further.

He heard the sound again, and he froze. What was that? It sounded like someone was calling his name. He sat there looking around until he heard it again, only this time it sounded closer.

"McKay!"

That was definitely his name! Hope surged in his chest and he clumsily stumbled his way to the top of the rise. He eagerly raked the area, hoping to see anyone. Who was calling his name?! Where they here?! Had they come to get him?! He scanned the area…

Rodney's smile fell a little. Where were they? He didn't see anyone. Was his contused brain playing tricks on him? He gritted his teeth in determination he'd come this far; he refused to give up.

He started climbing down the hill in the direction of the noise. A small valley clearing appeared before him, separating two long stretches of trees.

He strained his ears and faintly heard something in front of him, across the way. He practically ran forward. His savior could be so close. Everything but his impeding rescue left his mind. He was so intent on the trees before him; he wasn't paying attention to the ground below. A root seemed to reach out and snag his foot, dragging him to the ground. His ankle exploded in pain and he gasped, curling up around it. He'd been so close…So close. Curse whatever powers that may be.

He heard that faint call and one thing wormed its way through his pain hazed brain. His last chance. He looked back up at the wall of tall photosynthetic organisms and opened his mouth.

"Sheppard!" he knew who had been calling his name, and he knew he would hear.

John Sheppard had felt his heart leap into his throat when Ronon had come on over the com link and said he'd found Rodney's radio. He quickly barked orders, and they all regrouped and fanned out again, searching earnestly for any sign of the missing chief scientist. That had been several hours ago, and he was starting to get worried.

The statistics that had been explained to him over and over replayed in his mind, no matter how hard he fought against them. The nights were longer and much colder on this planet, and thankfully they had come during the summer season. Not that it helped during below freezing temperatures. He squinted up at the small sun that hung in the sky; the twin moons were barely visible in the daylight.

He had to work fast; Rodney didn't have much longer. Growling in annoyance, he began his search anew, scanning the tree line for any sign of the scientist. The woods seemed endless, and it was surprising that most of them still had green leaves. That was why Zalenka had been so eager to explore.

'Think of the things we could do with the plants we have here or on earth, we could have crops year round', he'd said. Sheppard was regretting listening to the man.

"McKay!" he yelled pausing to listen for an answer.

Hearing none, he continued on towards a patch of brighter light amongst the plants. It led him to the edge of a gentle incline, where the trees abruptly stopped and a small valley-like clearing began. The valley wasn't very deep, and a small creek ran through the middle. The pristine snow ran out like a pure white carpet, ending in another wall of deep green trees on the other side. As beautiful as it was, he saw no sign of Rodney.

"McKay!" he yelled again.

His hazel eyes darkened in disappointment when he didn't hear a returning call, not that he'd been expecting one. He turned away and began forging his way deeper into the forest. He'd gone about fifty feet before he heard it. He immediately stopped and whipped his head around.

"McKay?" he asked walking back towards the clearing.

Reaching the edge of the trees again, he looked down into the snow. His eyes quickly spotted something that hadn't been there before. Dark blue stuck out against the white snow.

"McKay!" Sheppard shouted and he was all but running down the hill.

He crossed the distance between them in a matter of seconds and fell to his knees next to the shivering form.

"McKay", he breathed, laying a hand on one of the shoulders.

He shook him gently, hoping for a response.

Rodney could feel someone shaking him, the movement jostling his injured ankle. He groaned, as it ached. Wait, someone was shaking him. That meant… He'd been found. He rolled over onto his back and managed to pry his eyes open. When his vision cleared, he came face-to-face with a grinning Sheppard.

"What are you so happy about?" McKay wheezed as he tried to sit up.

He felt a warm arm loop around his back to help.

"What?" he asked after a few more moments of being stared at.

The next thing he knew, he was wrapped in a bone crushing hug. He slowly returned it. After hours out in the freezing wind and snow, he'd finally been found. He almost started crying, but hey, he'd been under a lot of stress the last twenty four hours or so; at least that's what his logic said. He ignored that. He was just glad to see Sheppard again without having to haunt him for the next several millennia as a ghost.

It felt so warm he could melt in the embrace, so he whined a little when the Col. pulled away, not that he'd admit to it.

"You're freezing!" Sheppard remarked, pulling off his top coat and forcing Rodney to put it on.

"Oh no, really? I thought I was stranded on a beautiful paradise with sandy beaches and palm trees," McKay sarcastically snapped back, struggling to stand up, thankful for the warmth that enveloped his freezing body.

"Glad to see you're okay", Sheppard said, continuing to grin.

"Yeah, well, it took you long enough to find me, and would you wipe that smile off your face? It's starting to give me the creeps", McKay replied, teetering on his left leg.

The smile quickly disappeared as he took a step and his ankle failed him again. He screwed his eyes shut as the pain stabbed upward, and he was faintly aware of someone catching him before he could fall.

"Whoa, take it easy", the Col.'s drawl soothed as he looped an arm over his broad shoulders.

"Ranon, Teyla, I found him. He's okay, but we need to get him back to Atlantis as quickly as possible", he barked into his radio, before turning his attention back to McKay, "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a sprained ankle. I tripped and fell down a hill", came the strained reply.

"I'm sure you did," Sheppard said, knowingly.

"Excuse me?" Rodney indignantly asked, straightening.

"Well, it just seems to me that you can be a little clumsy. Can you walk?" Sheppard replied.

"Yeah, if you help me. What do you mean I'm clumsy?" McKay inquired.

Colonel Sheppard grinned; his plan at distracting Rodney was working. They continued on towards the gate; well, according to the handheld device he checked every so often, anyway. He continued the witty banter, glad to see McKay was still able to function, though it took a lot of effort not to just sweep the man off his feet and rush back to the infirmary at Atlantis. He wouldn't say it out loud, but he was really worried for Rodney. He'd been trapped on a foreign planet, exposed to subzero temperatures, and a snow storm. A pretty good sized bruise had formed on his forehead, and he was limping because of a twisted ankle, both mostly likely from the tumble down the hill he'd been told about. He was sure McKay was far from healthy right at the moment, but he was relieved to be able to touch and talk to him again. He'd been given a second chance, and he wasn't about to give it up.

Ranon and Teyla were both waiting for them when they got to the gate. Teyla put her hands on Rodney's shoulders, taking in his appearance before she embraced him, somewhat awkwardly since Sheppard hadn't let go of him.

"It is good to see you alive. We were very worried", she said, stepping back with a smile.

"Well, I'm glad to be alive too, considering I was going to haunt you guys for eternity if I didn't make it", McKay said back, in his McKay way.

That earned him a couple of weird looks.

"Hey, my brain is half frozen here, can we hurry this along? It's getting colder", he continued, rolling his eyes.

That seemed to snap them back into action, and Ranon stepped forward and scooped McKay up bridal style, though Sheppard seemed reluctant to let go, and he felt a pang of jealousy rear its head.

"We can move quicker this way", Ranon explained, as if sensing this.

Sheppard nodded and without a second glance, the reunited team moved through the gate.

Later that night, McKay sat on the edge of the bed in his quarters. His elbows were resting on his knees as he stared at his hands. It had all hit him at once. He'd come so close to death, but somehow had managed to survive. Carson had checked him out, and other than a slight concussion and a sprained ankle - he would need to use crutches for the next two weeks - he'd been given a clean bill of health. He was sure everyone was going to keep a close eye on him for awhile, and he'd been confined to quarters to get some rest. Not that he could sleep at all.

He'd been asked how in the world he'd survived. Honestly, he had no idea. He'd told them naturally it had been his superior intellect, but he felt that had little to do with it. He believed it had more to do with the emotional side of him, which was taking a big leap for a scientist such as himself. He could've lied and said that he was one of the smartest people in Atlantis and that they needed him, but he knew that wasn't true. He'd wanted to be able to see his friends again, but more importantly, Sheppard. The near death experience had awakened with a vengeance the part of him that wanted to be nurtured and loved. Stupid hormones; he just could never get off easy, could he? He'd been to frozen Hell and back. Where was the reward that life owed him anyway?

As if answering his question, a knock sounded at the door.

"Come in", he said tiredly.

The door hissed open to reveal a somewhat tense John Sheppard.

"How you feelin'?", he drawled, stepping inside.

"Alright."

He watched the other look up just long enough to answer, before he resumed the staring contest with his hands.

Sheppard slowly crossed the room, worried at the frenzied look he saw in those torn blue eyes. He'd seen it before in combat, and it wasn't a good thing. McKay needed someone to be there for him right now. He sat down next to the upset scientist, though the other showed no notice of this.

Rodney felt the bed dip to his left. He wouldn't admit it, but the fact that the Colonel had sat next to him instead of asking how he was doing and leaving made him feel a little better. He didn't feel as alone.

Silence hung between them for awhile, and it became clear to Sheppard that Rodney wasn't going to break it himself. Though they regularly went on life and death missions, this was probably the closest to death Rodney had been, and he was trying to deal with it. It tore him to see his friend like this. He wanted to reach out and hold onto him and whisper in his ear that it was going to be okay, but he couldn't do that.

"So, how'd you get lost anyway?", he asked, trying to bring McKay out of the place he'd retreated into.

"Get lost? You're the one who took the wrong turn", Rodney threw back halfheartedly, thankful that someone had broken the silence. It had been getting a little awkward.

"Me? What about you?" Sheppard grinned, gently jabbing the genius with an elbow.

McKay suddenly dropped his head into his hands, "I don't know."

The Colonel immediately sobered up. He could hear the pain and fear in those words.

"Hey buddy. You okay?" he laid a warm hand on the other's shoulder.

"I don't know anymore", the other gasped, looking up into the worried hazel and immediately regretting it. How could he tell him what was really was wrong, what he really wanted? Needed?

He looked back down, now staring at the dark floor beneath his bare feet.

"What's wrong?" Sheppard asked, getting more and more worried. He took back his hand and put it back in his lap, afraid he'd upset the scientist.

McKay mourned the loss. Should he tell the Colonel or not? It was his chance. He could take that step forward, but there would be no going back. Was he really willing to possibly loose his friendship with him? The chilling loneliness and need bubbled up in his chest and he took his chance, that first step forward.

"It's just that- that when I was stuck in that cave, trying not to freeze to death, it hit me. What am I going to leave behind when I die? Who's going to miss me?" Rodney began his voice choppy and unsure.

"Rodney, we'd miss you. Heck, everyone in Atlantis would miss you, whether they'd actually admit to it or not", Sheppard assured him.

"That's not what I meant. I was so cold. I was dying in the middle of nowhere alone. I don't want to feel that again," He paused to glance at the Col., "I want someone closer than a friend."

Sheppard felt his heart skip a beat "Like a girlfriend? …or a boyfriend?" he hesitantly added the last part.

"I just want someone to hold me and tell me they're never going to leave," McKay felt his cheeks heat up a little. Just the thought that he was blushing made him blush even more.

"Would you object to me being that person?" Sheppard cautiously asked softly.

McKay looked up so fast he could've sworn he heard his neck crack, but he wasn't paying attention to that. He was staring into a mesmerizing set of brown eyes. He could see the uncertainty and nervousness, but he could also see the love and hopefulness.

"Well, you are sitting right here and it would be a waste if I didn't," Rodney answered, just as uncertain.

They both stared at each other for a few more moments before Sheppard reached out a hand. He gently touched the side of Rodney's forehead near the bruise and slowly let his fingers trail over the soft skin until he was cupping the side of the others face.

As the Col.'s fingers ran over the darkened injury, it felt as if they had wiped the pain away and McKay couldn't stop himself from leaning into the warmth of the others hand. He slowly opened his eyes that he never remembered closing, and found himself trapped in Sheppard's shouldering gaze. He felt his breath catch as the Col. leaned in a little closer. He had to stifle another whine when the other seemed to pause. This wasn't fair; he was so close.

They sat there in the silence for a couple more moments that felt like an eternity to the two. Questions of uncertainty were running rampant in both their minds.

Throwing all caution to the wind, Sheppard cupped both sides of Rodney's face before closing the remaining distance. His lips were so soft, and John had no idea why he'd waited so long to do this.

To McKay's, it felt as if fireworks had exploded in his brain. In that one instant when he'd felt the Colonel's lips on his own, the loneliness and cold evaporated. It left him filled with warmth and love. He couldn't stop the pleased moan that escaped his throat when Sheppard deepened the kiss. They finally had to break apart for air.

"Whoa", Rodney gasped.

"You can say that again", Sheppard panted.

He carefully watched the other's face for any sign of disgust and found none; instead he saw love and gratitude signing back at him.

McKay leaned forward and rested his head against the warm broad chest. Reflexively, Sheppard wrapped his arms around the form in front of him.

"Thanks, Colonel", McKay sighed.

"John", Sheppard corrected.

"Fine… John…" McKay paused as if trying to wrap his tongue around the new name.

"So does this mean…?" he trailed off tilting his head a little so he could see the other's face.

John looked down at the questioning blue eyes.

"It can if you want", he replied softly, his voice rumbling in his chest.

McKay smiled, then abruptly pulled away. A bland look replaced the previous happy one, and Sheppard felt a pang of worry.

"No. I just let you kiss me for no good reason", Rodney said sarcastically.

John gave him a grin and pounced, bringing both of them down onto the bed.

"Sheppard!" McKay gasped startled.

The spiky haired man just chuckled and held the scientist close. He pulled Rodney onto his chest and began gently running a hand through the other's soft hair.

"So, are you feeling better?" he asked.

"What made you think anything was wrong?" McKay answered, enjoying the feel of the Colonel's hand in his hair.

Sheppard growled in that tell-me-the-truth sort of way.

"Fine. Fine. Much better, thank you", McKay quickly covered his tracks.

"That's better", John chuckled.

They stayed like that for awhile, enjoying each other's company. Sheppard began to hum, smiling when he saw Rodney's eyes begin to droop; he was too cute. After two years of pining for the snazzy, sharp-tongued, quick-witted scientist, he'd finally gotten him; and it only took McKay nearly dying to do it. Not exactly something pleasant, but he couldn't argue with the results.

"So, did you think we were going to find you in time?" he couldn't help but ask. It was something that had been eating away at him since they'd brought Rodney back through the Stargate.

"Well, at first I was too busy cursing your name and everyone else to really think about it. After awhile though, it was getting colder and I knew that you'd guys had probably been called back to Atlantis. That changed things. I was trapped in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard; my brain was telling me I would be long dead before you even had the chance to come back", McKay began.

"But?" Sheppard prompted after a few minutes of silence.

"But somewhere deep down, I knew there was no way that you guys would ever give up, so I had to stay alive long enough for you to find me. It was the only thing that was keeping me going at the end, that and I wanted to see you again", he finished sleepily.

John was jolted by Rodney's honesty; it was just another part to the puzzle that was Dr. Rodney McKay. He thought the sleepy honesty made the other even more adorable; not that he'd ever actually tell Rodney that. He wanted to live.

He was distracted when the scientist let loose a jaw-cracking yawn.

"Whoa there, buddy. Getting a little tired?", chuckled, ignoring the glare he received from McKay.

"Yeah, but a big oaf is keeping me up", Rodney replied playfully, waking up a little.

"A big oaf? Well, I'm insulted, and you need to get some sleep, so I'll see you in the morning", Sheppard said, standing up.

He carefully tucked in Rodney and ruffled his hair before heading towards the door.

"I don't know about you, but it's time for this big oaf to go to bed", he said, stretching.

McKay was distracted from his sudden realization that he was about to be left alone again by the lithe body in front of him. He snapped back when his eyes relayed to his brain that Sheppard, or rather John, was getting ready to leave.

"No!" he suddenly exclaimed.

John turned around; Rodney seemed just as surprised at his outburst as he was.

"Please… Stay", softly reached his ears as the other lowered his eyes. He'd caught just a glimpse of the fear whirling once more in those blue eyes, and that was more than enough for him.

"If you want me to, I will", Sheppard assured him, turning around and walking back over to the bed.

He watched with concern as McKay slowly brought his eyes back up. He seemed unsure and embarrassed by his outburst.

"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere", the scientist looked up meeting reassurance in the Colonel's eyes.

"Sorry", he said with an embarrassed twitch of a smile.

"Don't worry about it. I was hoping you'd invite me over. Now budge up", Sheppard said, nudging him as he peeled off his socks and shoes.

"Lights off, please", he said, and the lights obediently dimmed.

Rodney shuffled over against the wall, freeing up as much space on the cot as he could. John peeled back the covers and slipped in next to McKay, who promptly scooted back over cuddling next to him, though the scientist refused to call it 'cuddling'; too mushy. He laid his head on a warm shoulder and felt an arm loop around him and pull him closer. He made an appreciative sound and snuggled closer.

Sheppard chuckled, "Good night sleeping beauty."

He heard McKay mumble something incomprehensible. A gentle smile spread over his face and warmed his eyes as he bent down and kissed Rodney's forehead. Leaning back, he got comfortable and a few minutes later, he fell asleep to the sound of the deep even breathing next to him.

Don't forget to R&R!

Simple Heart


End file.
